Feeling Ready To Move On

I moved back to B. C.’s Fraser Valley in September 2006, and I’ve been restless ever since. Don’t get me wrong! I’m very, very happy to be home, & I’m very thankful for being back in close proximity to many of my friends. To me, this is truly the best place to live, and the most beautiful. B. C. really is super natural!

If I want to go shopping, I don’t have to settle or use a catalogue or travel a long distance to do so. If I want to see most of those most dear to me, I just have to make arrangements, & things’ll be on their way. Within an hour-&-a-half, I can be at the home or many of those closest to me, or vice versa. I am happy to be home, and I realised when I was up north that this is home. Nowhere else has a hold on me like the Fraser Valley does. I would move away – for a relatively short time – if opportunity came my way. Nowhere else, though, would be the same, and nowhere else would be where my heart is.

Since moving back here to B. C., I’ve been restless. Not to move away, but to do what my heart wants, and to follow my dreams. I haven’t had an enjoyable job since I’ve moved back, although I’ve met some great people through the jobs I have had, & at least I’ve been working. Now I have a full time job, which I’ve been at for a year, pretty well exactly, (I can’t remember the exact date I started, but it was November of last year, around Remembrance Day, I think) and I’ve met some very cool people there. Allyssa, with whom I work Monday to Friday, is a real gem. She’s one of the sweetest, most gentle people I’ve ever met, & I’m thankful to know her. God’s certainly blessed me with the people I’ve met in my life, & He’s blessed me with some of the best in my life.

When I started the job, I didn’t dream that I’d be there anywhere close to a year. I thought for sure I’d be doing something else by now, & I was so certain that God was going to have something else for me shortly after. However, that’s not happened. I’m still working there, but at least I’m full time. THAT’S a blessing.

However, it’s certainly not my dream job, & I feel wasted there. I don’t feel as if I’m living up to what God created me to do. I don’t feel as if I’m contributing anything worthwhile to society, & I don’t feel as if I’m really serving God as He has gifted me to do. *SIGH!* It’s so frustrating! I don’t wake up rarin’ ta go, & I don’t really want to go to work.

I do admit that the people – co-workers & most customers – do make the job worth it at all, along with it being full time, & people are a blessing from the Lord. They make things better when I’m feeling down & when I’m feeling as if nothing’s right or anything. To be greeted by those who really like me is always a blessing, and I am thankful for my blessings.

So if I’m thankful – really & truly thankful – is it OK for me to be restless as I am? That’s something I’ve struggled with for a long, long time, & I honestly don’t know the answer to that. Some people say it’s not, while others say it is. I’ve asked different people about this, but I’ve come to no definite answer. If you have an idea on this subject, please feel more than free to comment on that. Is my restlessness from God as a way to prepare me for something else? Is it from Him as a way to get me off my duff & get working on looking for something else, something that would help me obtain my dreams? Or at least do something I feel is a calling for me?

Or is this restlessness a form of unthankfulness? Is it something that’s from the devil, something that he’s using to take my focus off God? I have no idea!

All I know for sure in this instance is that I’m restless, & that I don’t know what to do about it.

Since last May, I’ve been a freelance photographer for the Agassiz-Harrison Observer, that’s been a really cool way to earn a little extra money. The way things are right now, I’m not able to quit my job at the coffee shop to pursue photography full time, but it’s a start, and it’s a beginning, & that’s a good thing. It’s a way to at least partially fulfill a lifelong dream – photojournalism – & that’s always a great thing. It’s made that dream feel like it has a greater chance of coming true, and hope is always a great thing. Then, in this last Wednesday’s edition, I got a story (Stuffed Animals For Charity) published! I couldn’t help it! I was at work when it was confirmed by my opening the paper & seeing my words staring back at me from page nine, & I squealed with excitement & jumped up & down a little.

Having people praise what I do always feels good. It makes me feel as if I have talent & as if I can actually do something other than what I’m doing day after day. It’s good to have hope.

Maybe my restlessness IS from God. Maybe it’s a way for Him to urge me on, to keep me pressing on toward whatever it is He has for me to do. He does work in mysterious ways, and who’s to say that my restlessness isn’t that? I have been shown that I’m at the coffee shop for a reason, whatever that reason is – including meeting the people I have – but I also sense that my time there is winding down to a close. Mind you, I’ve felt that before. So who knows? Maybe it’s wishful thinking on my part that’s causing me to feel as if I’m also finished there, but maybe it is God telling me to be ready to move on. I just don’t know, & won’t know until whatever it is that’ll take this restlessness away happens.

As I’m waiting for God’s timing & for the next part of His will for me to be revealed, I wait in restlessness. I’m going to take it as a sign that I need to keep focused on God – as I should always be – & to keep on doing whatever it is I’m doing until it’s time to move on. That means staying at the coffee shop as well as working on my photography & my writing. It means waiting for His timing & keeping patient – in a restless sort of way (there is such a thing, even though it sounds like an oxymoron) – as I wait to see what happens next.

Now To Read In Your Local Paper….

….an article by me! Well, OK. Local, if you live within the reading area of the Agassiz-Harrison Observer.

Yes, I am now an officially published newspaper writer! With one article, anyway. No, I’m not blowing this out of proportion. I have been published in a paper, &, therefore, I am an officially published newspaper writer. Whoohoo!

Yeah, yeah! I don’t get very excited. Not at all!

Anyway! The article can be read here at this link – Stuffed Animals For A Good Cause. It really is a good cause, & I hope that you will think so, too. That’s one of the reasons I was able to write this as I did. It was truly inspired – really! – and I’m glad I was able to help get the word out there. 100% of the proceeds go to Sight 2 because all the bears & supplies were donated, & that’s a great, great thing.

Breakfast At McDonald’s

Today I received a few forwards in my e-mail, as I’m sure all of you do occasionally, if not daily. Most of the time I never read them & delete them right away, especially if the title gives a hint of me being cursed or not getting my wish if I don’t forward it right away, or that I’ll be really sorry if I don’t send it out. Man alivin’! It’s chain letters on a worldwide scale, to be honest!

ANYWAY!!!! Man, I do blather on a lot at times, don’t I? haha

As I was saying….Today I received a few forwards in my mail, and I actually read them all today. The woman who had sent one in particular to me only sends good stuff, and I know she doesn’t care about all the “curses” or what have you at the end, & so I read this one. It was a really great story, & I want to share it here. As much as I could, I took out all the stuff about not getting my wish & whether I have a lot of friends or not if I get replies, & I’m sharing it here. Blessings all, & remember to smile at others & be a blessing to all around you. I’m saying this to myself as much as to anyone else!

 

Breakfast at McDonald’s

This is a good story and is true, please read it all the way through until the end! (After the story, there are some very interesting facts!):
 
I am a mother of three (ages 14, 12, 3) and have recently completed my college degree. The last class I had to take was Sociology.
 
The teacher was absolutely inspiring with the qualities that I wish every human being had been graced with.
 
Her last project of the term was called, ‘Smile.’
 
The class was asked to go out and smile at three people and document their reactions.
 
I am a very friendly person and always smile at everyone and say hello anyway. So, I thought this would be a piece of cake, literally.
 
Soon after we were assigned the project, my husband, youngest son, and I went out to McDonald’s one crisp March morning.
 
It was just our way of sharing special play time with our son.
 
We were standing in line, waiting to be served, when all of a sudden everyone around us began to back away, and then even my husband did.
 
I did not move an inch… an overwhelming feeling of panic welled up inside of me as I turned to see why they had moved.
 
As I turned around I smelled a horrible ‘dirty body’ smell, and there standing behind me were two poor homeless men.
 
As I looked down at the short gentleman, close to me, he was ’smiling’.

His beautiful sky blue eyes were full of God’s Light as he searched for acceptance.
 
He said, ‘Good day’ as he counted the few coins he had been clutching.
 
The second man fumbled with his hands as he stood behind his friend. I realized the second man was mentally challenged and the blue-eyed gentleman was his salvation.

As I held my tears as I stood there with them.
 
The young lady at the counter asked him what they wanted.
 
He said, ‘Coffee is all Miss’ because that was all they could afford. (If they wanted to sit in the restaurant and warm up, they had to buy something. He just wanted to be warm).
 
Then I really felt it – the compulsion was so great I almost reached out and embraced the little man with the blue eyes.
 
That is when I noticed all eyes in the restaurant were set on me, judging my every action.
 
I smiled and asked the young lady behind the counter to give me two more breakfast meals on a separate tray.
 
I then walked around the corner to the table that the men had chosen as a resting spot. I put the tray on the table and laid my hand on the blue-eyed gentleman’s cold hand.
 
He looked up at me, with tears in his eyes, and said, ‘Thank you.’
 
I leaned over, began to pat his hand and said, ‘I did not do this for you. God is here working through me to give you hope.’
 
I started to cry as I walked away to join my husband and son. When I sat down my husband smiled at me and said, ‘That is why God gave you to me, Honey, to give me hope.’
 
We held hands for a moment and at that time, we knew that only because of the Grace that we had been given were we able to give.
 
We are not church goers, but we are believers.
 
That day showed me the pure Light of God’s sweet love.
 
I returned to college, on the last evening of class, with this story in hand.
 
I turned in ‘my project’ and the instructor read it.
 
Then she looked up at me and said, ‘Can I share this?’
 
I slowly nodded as she got the attention of the class.
 
She began to read and that is when I knew that we as human beings and being part of God share this need to heal people and to be healed.
 
In my own way I had touched the people at McDonald’s, my son, instructor, and every soul that shared the classroom on the last night I spent as a college student.
 
I graduated with one of the biggest lessons I would ever learn:
UNCONDITIONAL ACCEPTANCE.
 
Much love and compassion is sent to each and every person who may read this and learn how to
 
LOVE PEOPLE AND USE THINGS – NOT LOVE THINGS AND USE PEOPLE.
 
There is an Angel sent to watch over you.

Many people will walk in and out of your life, but only true friends will leave footprints in your heart.
 
To handle yourself, use your head.
To handle others, use your heart.
God Gives every bird it’s food, but He does not throw it into its nest.
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
With a secret inside that has never been told.
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~~*
The treasure inside is precious to me.
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
Today I share this treasure with thee.
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
It’s the treasure of friendship you’ve given me.
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Dreams Again

No, I don’t mean to just write about dreams or how my nights went (last night was wonderful! I slept almost straight through, although I did miss the Remembrance Day service. I know I needed that sleep!), but it’s what’s foremost on my mind at the times of these writings.

Last night I dreamt again, but, oh, so much different! This one I feel free to talk about. I was in a room that looked like a church sanctuary. I was there with a friend and a little girl who was about a year old or so. She was so cute! I don’t recognise the friend, but we were friends in the dream, and I think the little girl was hers. We sat together, and the little girl cuddled up with me. Then my friend was gone, and the other women who had been around us were still there, chatting. I think we were waiting for a service to begin, but I’m not sure about that. The focus was mine, & I kept looking at the little blonde girl. I was caring for her, and she kept trying to take off. However, she would always come back to me, ending up snuggling against me & falling asleep. So sweet!

Earlier in the night – I know it was earlier because it was during my sleep after I went back to sleep after waking up at 5:30 am. I wasn’t getting up early today except for the most urgent of reasons! Anyway! Earlier in the night, I had another dream. There was more to it than what I’m about to share, but I don’t remember anything else clearly. I was with some people, including my dad, were standing close to some railway tracks, but not close enough to be in danger. The tracks were up a bit higher than us, and they were on a straight stretch. Suddenly a crossing gate appeared, although there was no road; just a green grassy picnic area, complete with tables, and a river on the other side of us. The lights started flashing and the bells started ringing, and the gates went down. We saw a slow moving pair of dirty white diesel engines go by, and at a fair speed. Not super fast, but not super slow. Then another diesel engine – this one dark red – went by much faster, pulling several cars of varying kinds, and it was going much faster. We got the sense that it was trying to beat the two white engines, and we thought it looked like some kind of train race. It was very strange!

So those are my dreams from last night, and I see nothing nefarious in either of them. Praise God!

I think the one that happened earlier was because of my living close to the tracks and the fact that I’m aware of the trains going by. I love trains! Sometimes at work, if we’re really slow, I’ll stand & watch them go by. Some are really fast, and some are not.

The other one – maybe because I was offered a cat if my landlady & her husband say it’s OK for me to have him. I have a caring nature & love animals. I’ve not always been huge on cats, but I would never harm them. I do like them, and this cat in particular is sweet. I fell in love with him last night! I hope they say yes!

My dreams by nature are always strange. I’ve never had dreams that are even close to normal, but then what’s normal when it comes right down to it? I’ve taken many of them & turned them into really great stories. God’s spoken to me through dreams sometimes as well, and I’ve had questions about His will for me answered for me through some of my dreams. Amazing things!

Weird Dreams

This day is ending well. Much better than it started! So much of a difference that it hardly seems to be the same one that I started over 15.5 hours ago. Yes, you read that right! It’s almost 22:10 (or 10:10 pm for those of you who don’t know the 24-hour clock), & I’ve been awake since about 4:30 or so. Not when I wanted to wake up!

I went to bed between 22:15 & 22:30 last night, and I was hoping to sleep right ’til 5:00. However, that was NOT to be. Instead, I kept waking up. After every dream, I’m sure! At least after the dreams I remember, & I don’t want to remember a single one of them.

OK, yeah. For those of you who already know something of my dream life, you might be asking what the big deal is about weird dreams for me since mine are almost always weird. I don’t blame you for wondering. I’d wonder, too, if last night’s dream fest hadn’t been one full of horror and of terror to some degree. Yikes! The worst one took place at work, and, as with the others, it’s too horrible and graphic and gross for me to describe. Besides, I just want to forget them. ALL of them! Each time I’d wake up and pray for the memory to be gone. They’re still here for now, but I know they’re not real. I know that what happened can’t hurt me. God keeps me safe. If I let the dreams consume my mind and let the fears grow, then I’ll be in harm’s way, and I’ve removed God from the control. I don’t want the devil to have control, and so I refuse to let the dreams consume me.

My dream life is so very exciting and full of imagination. In many of them I’m either fleeing danger or I’m fighting the government, which has gone corrupt, or I’m fighting some other kind of evil. In others, I’m in some sort of competition, or I’m fighting off the advances of an unwanted would be suitor. Or I’m living out something I long for, like marriage and motherhood, or some career that I wouldn’t mind having.

The weirdest dream for me was bizarre because of its total mundanity (I think I just coined another word! One I coined & love is “mocknefarious.” You can figure it out by its two parts – mock & nefarious). I was walking down the road. That was it! There was nothing special about the road, and I wasn’t really heading anywhere in particular. I was just walking, and the road was a road.

This morning, I ended up getting up at 6:05, which is about 5 minutes after I usually arrive at work. That’s 1/2 hour after I’m scheduled, but I go early to do a few things that can sit for a while before I really start for the day. It’s the one chance I get to sit & read the paper, and to just relax before things get started. Anyway, I didn’t get there ’til about 20 after 6, and I felt incredibly rushed. I decided to leave some tasks aside for the time being, & just focus on the bare essentials of opening up. That was I wasn’t stressed, and I didn’t feel as if I was rushing myself. I just felt really out of it! Now the day’s over, and I feel glad that I can look back. I’m thankful last night is over, and I’m, oh, so, so, so, SO thankful that I can sleep in tomorrow!

Tomorrow’s Remembrance Day, and I’m glad to be able to sleep in! Most important, though, for tomorrow – remembering those who fought hard to keep Canada a free land. Many lost their lives in order to make sure the Dominion of Canada did NOT fall into enemy hands. I am so grateful for that!

Now that I’ve pitched about that….

My dreams, for the most part, have always been vivid and imaginative. There’s been some great fodder for stories there, and I’ve never been at a loss for daydreams as I take dreams I’ve had and built on them, or changed them, or what have you, and this has helped me to get past some dreams. Because of my imagination, some have been a little too real for my liking, and many of those I manage to wipe from my mind. I know that God keeps me safe. If I trust in Him and rest in Him, my dream life is good. Still very vivid and imaginative, and all, but not terrifying nor horrible.

Part of the reason, I think, that my dreams were so awful last night was that I was so bagged I just crashed without really praying. Also, I’m trying to get caffeine out of my system, & I know that I’m going through withdrawal of sorts. When that happens, my dreams are weirder than normal. The horror and terror tends to creep in more as well, and so I’ve realised today that I really, really, REALLY need to be covered with the blood of Jesus and ask for the armour of God to be over me. The guard of angels and hedge of thorns – I need that! Not just at night, though, but at all times. Sometimes, though, it just seems more important. However, it’s when my guard’s let down that I’m most vulnerable. So, Michelle, don’t let down your guard!!!!

What’s your most interesting dream? I’d love to read about it. It doesn’t have to be your most interesting, but just one that you like to share. I’ve had a couple that have stuck with me since I’ve had them – the two most vivid dreams I’ve ever had! One was an allegory for the straight and narrow road to Heaven, and the other was a call to prayer for my brother. I may share them at some point, if I remember, but not now. I’m really dopey, and am going to sleep soon. Prayers & blessings all!