Kevin & Jen, two friends of mine here in Agassiz, recently lent me their copy of The Blue Planet & Planet Earth. They have these two series in one boxed set, & I recently finished watching The Blue Planet. Amazing! I know that word is overused many times, but I truly was amazed by what I saw!
Many of the species seen beneath the surface of the ocean have only recently been discovered, and there’s likely more that’s yet to be found as more is searched and explored. This TV series went further down than any other film crew had ever gone, I believe, and there was so much to learn. I can’t remember every single fact that was shared, although many images are swimming before me now as I remember it. If you think I’m “punning” there, so be it. I don’t care. I just think that there are so many things down there no one’s aware of & that God’s kept hidden for whatever reason.
Because of over fishing of populations that live higher in the seas, people are now fishing creatures that’ve never before been eaten by humanity. Too many creatures are close to extinction and too many are in serious danger of never being able to regenerate themselves to abundancy. (gotta love coining words!)
I watched this series with extra fascination because the seas hold an extra fascination for me. So much water! I love water! It’s my favourite element, although I’m thankful to be living on land since I wasn’t created to live elsewhere. Fire’s too hot for me, although it, too, holds a certain fascination for me as well. Wind ~ wind! Oh, that powerful & mighty force that literally blew me to work one day last week! I like all the elements and know that all are needed here on Earth. They were each created with their purposes, and they are each necessary to the balance of the planet & to the environment & to ecology & to life in general.
One thing that was constantly in mind as I watched the life in the seas on my TV screen was the sheer numbers of the variety of life! Not just of fish or whales or the birds that feed close to shore, but the coral ~ I learnt it’s actually an animal! ~ & the plants & other creatures that live in it. Each one has its place, & each one fits in somewhere. I wondered why God created so many different varieties in the sea, but He’s done so here on land as well. Then I realised that I will probably never know the answer to that in this life, & that’s fine. I’ll still wonder about it, & I might find the answers to this & other questions I found myself asking at some point, but I’m not going to dwell on it.
Even though filming was able to be done at incredibly deep levels, the bottom was still not reached. There are deep crevasses way, way down that might never be explored because of how deep they are. Man made craft can only reach down so far, & who knows if we’ve reached the limit of how far we can descend? It’d be really cool, I think, to be able to reach the very bottom & to see if more life is down there, but maybe we’re not meant to discover that. Only God knows for sure what’s been created & what, if any, life is all down there.
My mind has its own means and ways of processing things, &, as often happens with me, I’ve thought more of the series again the past few days.
On Sunday, I read two entries from My Utmost For His Highest by Oswald Chambers. It’s a Christian devotional book, &, while I don’t read it in nearly as often as I’ve committed myself to, I do glean at least one valuable nugget every time I read it. One of these years ~ 2009, perhaps? ~ I will read it all the way through without missing a single day! The two entries I read were from Saturday & Sunday, entitled “Shallow & Profound” & “The Distraction Of Contempt.” I’ll go over them more in other entries.
They, especially “Shallow & Profound,” reminded me of the ocean and how so much of it is unexplored & only now is being discovered. There is certainly an obvious relationship between the soul & the ocean. One connection is how deep & unfathomable both are. Another connection is how so much of each has remained unexplored. Both are complicated, vast regions with so much content. Some of it is scary, like fish with teeth so large they keep the mouth from closing, and some of it is absolutely beautiful, like the sea dragon, a close relative of the sea horse. I am fascinated by even the physical ugly things of the sea & by those that really freak me out. (like the jelly fish) I want to know things & I want to explore & I want to see for myself, & I want to reach out & actually touch things. Some would kill me, or at least seriously harm me, if I were to touch them, but there’s the old childish desire to explore everything by touch still inside me. Inside each of us, I believe. At least those of us who are still in touch with our childhoods to some degree.
So it is with my inner self. I have not gone down as deep as I possibly could, & I am thankful for that. Last year was one of the lowest points in my life ~ in some ways, THE lowest ~ & that was low enough for me. I had allowed myself to get down there, but there was no exploration. I did nothing to pick myself off & brush off my clothes & carry on, but I had nothing to show for the mess I’d made.
Except that I’d learnt it was a choice. I had gone down into a depression & I could have easily stopped it. I had been focusing on my circumstances & where I was in life instead of focusing on God. I had been so totally self absorbed & seeing only the problems I had instead of seeing what I could do to help others or trying to figure out how I could improve things. I was screaming at the pain I was in ~ emotional as well as physical (I was suffering with super intense tooth pain a lot in 2007) ~ & begging for a way out. I was wallowing & made no effort to get out of the mud & washing up before changing into clean clothes.
Was I truly content to wallow? Was I really happy letting myself be angry & financially poor?
NO!!!! I wasn’t.
So why didn’t I do anything about it?
I was lazy. I also truly didn’t have the energy to do anything about it. I had lost my hope, & I had lost sight of what I already had, of my blessings.
I had taken my focus off God, & was wallowing in self centred pity that blinded me to the world around me.
So what happened? What caused me to get out of it? To bring myself out of the depression? Looking back, I really don’t have an answer for that. All I know is that I found the energy somewhere to fight it & to get out of it. Even though I wasn’t in communication with Him, God was still working in me, through things I read & saw & through people, & I made a conscious effort to get better. I started looking on the bright side, or at least seeing something to be thankful for, & I decided to make thanksgiving a regular part of my life again. I began to sing & to make music again, & I began to write again. The creative juices were flowing once more, & I was excited about that! I still am.
Now I am NOT saying that everyone with depression has allowed herself to get into it. For many people with it, it’s not the same. It’s a chemical imbalance and is a real mental illness. For anyone to say that all depression is something that is a matter of the will is a huge mistake. It’s not a simplistic thing. For me, yes, it was a matter of my will, & I was able to get out of it with the grace of God & by strength. I am thankful for this! For many others, though medical help is needed, along with the support of people in their lives. I’ve known enough people with depression & manic-depression to know that it’s a very serious disease that needs help from others & cannot be overcome by sheer will, no matter how strong those fighting it may be. I just wanted to clarify that. Of course here I’m just sharing my own story.
I have been to the ocean’s shore many times. Not always right out on the open ocean, like when I was up at Tuktoyaktuk (aka “Tuk”), nor like at Tofino (a place I really want to go), but I’ve been to White Rock & to Crescent Beach many times. Up at Tuk, I felt so small & was reminded of my insignificance. I am important as each person is, but the insignificance I refer to is about how small we are as people compared to the world at large, how vast our surroundings and life as a whole is. We are a part of it, & I was struck by that up at Tuk. The ocean spread north before me beyond where my eye could see, & I knew that I was on the edge of something great. Something deep and powerful, & something with much more than I could ever hope to see or to experience in my life.Very dark & cold yet full of life.
At White Rock, I’ve looked as far out as I could & seen the Gulf Islands and Point Roberts & known that there’s life on lands beyond the water at the edge of which I stood. The world goes around, & if I had started on a journey & headed out straight west from where I stood at the end of the pier, I’d return to White Rock & to the edge of the pier some day if I kept going in a straight line.
Crescent Beach has always been my favourite ocean spot. Even though I see land in the distance & across the river’s mouth, I still feel as if I’m right at the ocean there. To me, there’s a sense of the truly wild, especially at Blackie’s Spit, & I feel right at home there. I was there one morning this past August, & it was the best morning I’d had in ages. I just wandered around in the sandy areas, shooting image after image, & baking in the sun. I saw birds and other people, & I smelled the brine. I felt revitalised, & I did not want to go home. When I left, I went to White Rock to visit Uncle Bruce & Aunt Elayne & Uncle Blackie & to have lunch with them. That only added to how great the day was.
At Crescent Beach, the beach was wide open as the tide was way out. I walked for a long time & still did not reach the ocean’s edge. I could not get to that water, but I did not have time to carry on because I had to leave so that I would not be late for lunch. I was walking in ankle deep water, missing tiny sea snails and crabs as well as other tiny creatures in the shallows.
As I thought about the BBC TV series about the sea & my soul yesterday, I pictured the beach at Crescent Beach and all the life on it at low tide. It surprised me that I should think of that, & wondered why it came to mind. Then I realised I was thinking about the piece I’d read on Saturday & was reminded that “the ocean has a shore.”
*The series I started yesterday, really, will be continued over the next two entries. The next entry will be entitled “The Ocean Has A Shore.”
